Excuses, excuses

It appears that some men instinctively oppose the idea of improving their own happiness and confidence through the age old method of adding a little extra fluff under their nose.
Here are some of the latest excuses for not joining the Movement:

  • “Duberstein Moot Court Competition”–apparently, the idea here is that those upper echelon lawerly types frown upon, or at least are immune to, the mystique of the moustache. Bullshit! No one is immune.
  • “I can only grow the ‘stache of a seventh-grade drug dealer“–this denier is confused, for the stature and prominence of your ‘stache is not the issue here, man. Indeed, it may be that a ‘stache in need of Miracle Grow is the creepiest of all, and thus is deserving of the fullest support from Madness constituents.
  • “Mine is blonde and red and never fills in”–You, my friend, are also in denial. A vast array of colors makes a ‘stache unique, and therefore savory. This man will soon see the light.
  • “I have a vagina”–Touché. Be you male or female, it does take some amount of sack to grow and sport a new furry friend.
  • “I’ve already been threatened by wifey”–Rebel, young newlywed, rebel!! If you don’t take action now, the future may be grim.
  • “I don’t really have any clothes to match my ‘stache”–Luckily Marden’s and Goodwill are right down the street. Dig deep, come up with that $3, and go find yourself a nice wifebeater, some red flannel, and pair of shit-kickers.
  • “I look like a child pornographer”–Nice try. That’s simply another benefit.
  • “I have been wearing this here beard for seventeen years”–Dude, the times they are a-changin’. Welcome to whatever year it is. Your ‘stache is prime and ready to take the main stage. Shave that bird house and bring out a whole new side of you!

And these are just the excuses that I have heard in the past 30 minutes. Feel free to add more, as I certainly will as they come rolling in.