If you look in the mirror and think “aw shoot, this ‘stache isn’t going to do anything”, well this is for you. Some of the greatest men in history have sported upper-lip hair, and you have to ask yourself, were they great men who had mustaches, or were they men whose mustaches’ made them great?
MLK Jr. – Had a dream that no upper-lip would be bare.
Count Otto von Bismarck – Unified Germany, defeated Austrian Empire, defeated France when that was still a big deal, destroyed socialism in Central Europe.
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas – Has not asked a question during oral argument in over 142 consecutive cases, stretching back more than two years. That mustache knows what its doing.
Mohandas Ghandi – drove the British peacefully out of India by fasting, while secretly straining life-giving nutrients out of the air with his facial hair.
Micheal Jordan – His mustache is solely responsible for titles 3, and 5.
Carey Grant – If you ask your grandmother, she will tell you she used to fantasize about riding that mustache. Gross but true.
Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria – This mustache caused World War I. Look it up, it was big time.
And finally, my greatest argument for the greatness of facial accessories, Adam Morrison. In the time it took you to read this post, this face fur enabled a man who cried on national TV to get with foxy brunettes, and earn the GDP of a small Eastern European country. Without that peach fuzz, he’s just a tall dude with diabetes.