ASK BENZO

 

“Ask Benzo” is your chance to ask questions, voice concerns or just reach out for support from a fellow moustachio, Benzo.

Benzo is no stranger to the Stache Pag. He’s been a contender since its inception and now is an honorary member of the Stache Hall of Fame. Dear Abby isn’t worthy of waxing Benzo’s {expletive deleted}. In fact, no one at Stache Pag can remember her ever having sported a “stache”.

Do you have a question for Benzo? Email Us

 



Dear Benzo,

My girlfriend of 2 years recently bristled when I brought up the possibilty of trimming my beard down to a moustache. I offered that I could try it out so we could see how it looked, afterall, I said, “It will grow back.”
She replied jokingly that if I did that she may break up with me. I can’t tell if she was being serious or not.

What should I do?
Sincerely,
Moustache In Waiting

Dearest MIW,
First of all, your girlfriend should have realized that a beard is nothing if not “gateway” facial hair. It seems harmless enough at first, but soon you start to wonder what would happen if you shaved the sides… waxed the tips at the corners of the mouth… before you know it, you find yourself on the catwalk at the 6th Annual Stache Pag in front of a horde of screaming fans.

Not to worry MIW, as soon as your girlfriend sees your true self, she’ll be knocked out. And once she sees the looks you receive from other women, expect the heat to get turned up in the bedroom!

Benzo,
I have a goatee, and I’m trying to decide if I should fully commit and transform it into a moustache. My fear is that it may be a distraction at work, or worse, seen as unprofessional.

Any advice?
Goatee Into Moustache Problem

GIMP,
A goatee? Really? If your company has been able to take you seriously up to this point you either work as a strongman in a circus or as a roadie for Phish.

My assumption is that you generally have a fear of commitment. You’re hovering somewhere in limbo between the masculine security of a full beard and the anti-establishment, self confidence afforded to those with a moustace.

My advice to you GIMP is to stop straddling the fence. Make a firm decision one way or the other. You may find that this same indecisiveness is what is holding you back on the professional front as well.

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