The Rules

This year’s Stache Pag is being held March 30, 2012 at Port City Music Hall in Portland, Maine.

As always, the Stache Pag is dedicated to March Moustache Madness, and the importance of men growing moustaches. Because they can.

Here are the Category Descriptions for this year’s Stache Pag:

The Uncle RicoThe Uncle Rico– AKA the “pornstache”, this category refers to moustaches belonging to men, for reasons unclear, not able to grow enough hair on their upper lip to enter either of the other two categories. No ringers: this category is for the guys who obviously let it grow for a while to look that way.

The Magnum PIThe Magnum P.I. – The natural or common moustache… this moustache is a full, well-integrated, friend of your face… not too flamboyant, but certainly stating something in bold print.

The Thigh TicklerThe 1899 Maine Legislature – These boys knew how to live large, while retaining their gentleman status. This is the category for handlebars, horseshoes and other large, yet culturally acceptable moustaches.

The Thigh Tickler – Where the moustache makes magic. If you can dream it and you grow it, we want you to show it, brother.

Honorable Mention – “Judges’ Discretion”.

Regarding Beards – We have decided this Pageant is about savoring the moustache, exclusively. We concede that beards are incredible gifts from God; yet it is this stature which holds them in such obvious contention with the moustache. Beards are outlawed in these four categories.

The Beard Exception – Men with beards, will be allowed to enter the pageant, this year, as free agents. Judges will be directed to consider these men for their Judges’ Discretion award (It should be pointed out that in no comprehensible way should a guy with a beard win the Judges’ Discretion award at the Stache Pag unless that guy is Chuck Norris.).

Note: There will only be 15 contestants per category and the categories will be filled on a first-come first-served basis. Please pre-register here.

In the First Round, an esteemed Judges’ panel grades each contestant on:

  • Fullness
  • Grooming
  • Touch
  • Exemplification of Category
  • Contestant’s Full Ensemble
  • Stage Presence

Note: Much of this judging will occur in the Private Party for Stache Pag Contestants from 7 to 9 pm. “Stage Presence” (and possibly others) will be judged live during the event.

Judges scoring will determine the three finalists in each category.

The three finalists from each category will then compete in 3 competitions, with crowd applause deciding the final winner from each category.

Here is a loose outline of the evening’s schedule:

6:30 pm to 9:15 pm – Private Party for Stache Pag contestants, their dates and VIPs. Contestants are asked to get there before 7:45 pm.
7:30 pm – Special Advance World Premiere of Stache Film Fest
9:15 pm – Doors Open to Public
10:15 pm – Moustache Pageant begins. 1st round: Each contestant’s name is called and he gets a three second musical chunk of funk to do his thing on the center stage. Repeat for four categories.

After That – The Finals. Three Finalists in each category square off in three competitions: Five-Second Rapid-Fire Statue, Don’t F*ck With The Stache and one Surprise Competition Which Will Mindblow Your Skull.

The crowd yells for their favorite finalist. The loudest applause determines the winner of each category, and the winners of each category get trophies.